Ick can be used “to express disgust” or describe “an unpleasantly sticky or congealed substance.”
In the semi-serpentine dance of modern romance, the ick emerges as a socio-anthropological quirk mainly observed by The Empowered i.e. savvy semi-single folks in their late 20s and early 30s who can deftly discern that Man’s affections often hinges on how their partners make them feel rather than sincere appreciation of their intrinsic selves.
The ick’s etymology is rooted in contemporary urban culture and its nostalgic revival of pre-90s aesthetics, now often found in places like Urban Outfitters. It has resurfaced in modern lexicons to describe the supposedly “unexplainable sense of revulsion or discomfort towards a romantic partner, typically triggered by seemingly trivial behaviours or characteristics.” Using my razor-sharp wit and pathological cynicism, I am here to debunk that.
I, a cis-heteronormative female, find most cis-heteronormative men (I am not related to) sticky, disgusting and congealing (?). Men often emerge as semi-solid putrid masses in society, their essence congealed from the toxic love bestowed upon them by their mothers and foremothers. And therefore it is hardly unsurprising that the ick exists and takes on a new dimension in our emotional repertoire.
The genesis of the etymology of ick is as nebulous as the list itself. All we know is that it started as three friends in Colombia - romantic misanthropes with a penchant for list-making. As William Hazlitt once mused, “There is a pleasure in hating, although it is a perverse pleasure,” and I am no prude.
With that, I bring you the Ick List
Penny-pinching pettiness (Respectfully, I am not transferring you £1.34. I will get your Popham’s oat flat white next time you pseudo-neurodivergent lanky trust-fund git).
Dalston condom-y beanie boys, vintage Carhartt’s and/ or any two-button collared shirts
Courtesy of “@Socks_House_Marketing
Public spitting (or inebriated pissing or littering)
Does not share food
Does not recycle
LinkedIn influencers (In an era where personal branding and online presence hold significant sway, kindly fuck off. I firmly believe there is a paradoxical relationship between your prolific posting habits and your employability)
Anti-Vaccine / Anti-Mask
Horse People
Caravan-ing
(Oddly-specific) Glugging water and seeing the Adam’s Apple wobble
Multi-Level Marketing Scheme (Men engaged in MLMs are the true Labrador boyfriends. They will enthusiastically believe everyone who throws them a bone, only to end up with metaphorical hip dysplasia in the form of Klarna debt and collection of empty Vapes 5 years in)
Disrespectful to waiting staff and ride-share drivers
Ambition-less
(Oddly-specific) Men donning sports jerseys, indulging in morning train ‘tinnies,’ and propelling themselves toward early-onset liver cirrhosis might inadvertently contribute to making ‘The Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ seem like a preferable timeline
Expression “socially left, fiscally right” i.e. Champagne Socialists.
(Oddly-unforgiving) Has no friends
Un-philanthropic (Not being charitable is one thing, but harbouring a white saviour complex is another).
Passive Aggression (or use of ad-hominems)
Cheap wired headphones (remember the pre-inflation adjusted £6 JBLs?)
Does not take public transportation
Unable to slum ‘it’
Witnessing those sporting the homeless couture, courtesy of parental ties in [Insert Hedge Fund/PE/IBD fund here], is akin to witnessing extras auditioning for a Y2K-era Trainspotting remake, but instead of gritty rebellion, they are draped in mismatched patterns and weird hair
Lacking a sense of internet humour or pop culture references
Does fast-fashion hauls (when can afford to shop more sustainably).
The timeliness party archetype of the Man who ‘stumbles’ upon a guitar at a party and feels compelled to serenade a crowd as if it were their sacred duty.
Changes their personality in front of their partner and/or friends
Does not understand boundaries with friend’s and/or their partners
Being a pawn in Anti-Single Culture i.e. where society espouses the virtues of independence and self-discovery but simultaneously casts judgement on those who embrace single life.
Pick-Me
“I don’t mind” Actually does mind
The curious case of Man who:
Says“I like natural looking [insert gender here]”
Hit the club solely for hookups
Go for [insert gender here] half their age as if aging were a badge of horror
Oblivious to the lived experience of others, lacking empathy and understanding
Do not eat their partners out, shying away from simple fruitful pleasures of life
Want women to be their mothers
Are aggressive when they are drunk
“My ex was crazy”
“Why didn’t you hug me, it’s just a hug”
Remarking on body hair
(Oddly-specific, interestingly targeted) Plays lacrosse and/or rugby
Failing to grasp principles of equality and respect that fundamentally underpin feminism.
Men are a peculiar breed indeed, navigating the world with blinkered vision and a stubborn refusal to evolve.
Unaware of current affairs and maintains political indifference
Slow walkers
Smokers / Vapes
Senselessly puritanical in their beliefs (oh, the irony!)
The curious conviction that to feel hurt is to be right - a sentiment seemingly prevalent along the younger generation, shedding crocodile tears in hopes of conjuring a mortgage-free house, low interest rates and TikTok. Oh wait, that’s me.
Social Justice Warriors
Remarks on personal finance
Will attempt to one up your situation i.e. the intersection between Pick-Me and Woe-Is-Me
Cannot accept nice things. Conversely, is life’s victim.
Taking themselves too seriously
“Live, laugh, love”
The resilient souls who are adamant not to ask for help when they need it, or who instinctively shut down as a defence mechanism.
Understands that my bowel movements are both irregular and incendiary. In a world where bathroom breaks can be a game of Battlefield, your understanding of the plight of my persistent colorectal issues is truly a gift beyond measure.
Complains about footing the bill on the first date. Shut up and use the card.
Does not like hearing “Happy Holiday” instead of “Merry Christmas
Unhygienic - clean the pissy toilet and rid the sink of those bear-like hairs, which could unwittingly fashion themselves into an unfortunate wig for a cancer patient.
Hunting
Listens to Imagine Dragons
Listens to Bastille
Can identify Imagine Dragons and/or Bastille when presented with an image of a boy band
Using both (pleasure and business) phones during dinner / a conversation
Pret Coffee Subscription - even Oscar’s piss boasts more refined undertones than the burnt sludge that is served. Pret has mastered the art of turning coffee into a bitter brew reminiscent of industrial runoff.
Apple Map users
Trip Adviser Users
Hikers
(Oddly-Specific) Fumbling for their card at the Tube, holding up the line and profusely apologising while wearing a sheepish grin. I do not want to date a hapless protagonist in a shitty, underfunded BBC sit-com.
Exclusively going out in Soho, particularly the illustrious establishments of All Bar One, Be At One, Wetherspoons, Barrio, Simmons, Infernos.
Will rotate the same shitty establishments in London
Aficionados whose favourite drug is coke
(Applicable to only a few, they know how they are) Skiers / Snowboarders
Snotty
Only drinks beer and failing that, exclusively opt for boutique IPAs adorned with street art.
Courtesy of “@Real_Housewives_Of_Clapton”
Plays music loudly on the bus
Says they are Northern but is from Nottingham (not mine, stranger contribution)
Black skinny jeans
When you hear them sing in the background of a (concert) video
The quintessential image of masculinity: chest hair peeking out from the gaps between buttons.
Not taking the shoes off on the carpet (and God Forbid, the bed)
(Scenario-Based) The frantic sprint to the bus stop, backpack flapping open like the wings of a startled bird, its contents spilling out in chaotic symphony. Yet, fate plays its cruel hand and the sorry soul finds themselves, standing, breathless and defeated, as their bus pulls away without them.
(Scenario-Based) The half-bend to pick up a ball, only to inadvertently kick it further away with each attempt.
Follows too many thots on Instagram
Bits of food around the mouth
This made me so happy, I was laughing throughout